He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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