If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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