Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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