Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
