yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
