just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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