how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
NoShamevember. You game?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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