tell your sister to shave her snatch
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
