sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
