Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
