I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
