I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
