You smell like a Billy Joel song
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
