i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
