How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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