Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
