i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
