Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
