you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
