If that was your dad, he is hot
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
