life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Small penises have feelings too.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
