drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
