Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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