I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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