Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
