dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
