That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
