I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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