i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Randomize
