Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
