he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
