theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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