...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
