happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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