4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
