Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
