these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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