so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
