he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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