i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
