I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
