we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
