somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
