OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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