So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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