i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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