One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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