it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
