dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
