mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
