Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
